FARCA Team Training Camp Report

 And so it began.  As the sky spat chicken feathers and puked intermittent rain, the Team FARCA formation lit out for Colorado in the wee hours for a five day training camp.  Colorado Sports Drinks in hand we pointed one MILFwagon, one F250, and one large trailer filled with a pile of bikes and a pool table south towards Fruita, the most hyped riding destination in the west.

It took a little less than a 30 pack and 9 hours to reach our final destination…the home away from home known as the Monument RV Park and Campgravel.  I could go on here about registration, the accomodations, and so forth but we are here to talk about bike ridin.  Which we did…

It was less than ten hours after leaving home that we were stopped on the side of the road patchin about nine flat tires minutes into our first ride. 

Alas the bikes were rolling again and then Rector busted his derailleur and then Troy flatted…but we didn’t care because he was in his underwear.  That was the last pair of tighties we saw on team FARCA all weekend.

Once the tires had left the sand and were put to rest beside a few heaps of pizza from the Hot Tomato and we found a place to store more beer, namely in our guts, the glow around the campgravel was impossible to ignore.  This trip was going to be epic! 

Our daily schedule was crammed with a tight itenerary of things to make sure we did.  It was high stress and I am not exactly sure that everyone knows just how tough a camp this was.  In my notes the schedule was recorded as such:

1) wake up at 8, make coffee, eat a donut, brush teeth, take a dump, pack bag

2) 9:00 find some food, eat it, pack some stuff into bag (jelly beans, ham  sandwich, cookies, red bull) and chamois up

3) that last part seemed to take about 3 hours each day so:  12:00pm ride.  Finish ride at 5-6:00

4) 5-7 drink beer

5) 7:00 pm eat dinner and drink more beer with dinner

6) Play with this thing, drink more beer and contemplate life.

 The pool table made it despite all of the haters and people who said rational things about the entire idea such as, “That sounds like a really bad idea.” They were wrong because it really was a good idea and I don’t remember ever thinking it was not the most awesome idea that was ever thunk.

This what the campsite looked like every night and not even the campgravel host, Yosemite Sam with the quivering lip could change that.  he was pissed alright but he was really just jealous.  When you are riding in the desert the number one danger of having a pool table in your camp is that you could get dehydrated and cramp.  So we made sure to take care of that with a refreshing beverage called “Farcaade” which is a delicious blend of water, gatorade, and of course Maker’s Mark.  It burned a little at first but then we realized that was the price to pay for getting all of your electrolytes before bed. 

The ride on day two taught us several things.  1-Farca ade does have some mild side effects. 2- It was so windy that safety was a key issue and that safety meetings needed to be held out of the wind.  So we tucked into a little lee out at the 18 road trails and talked safety.

Day three broke like any other and the strict schedule was followed to a T.  We made our way out to an area called the lunch loops and hit up the Ribbon Trail.  On the top of the descent there was a sandstone slab about the size of Maryland where we made pause for this year’s team photo.  You can order yours now for the low price of whatever it costs me to make these up at Flolo’s.You can see how in the picture some members took a knee because that is what a couple of guys do in every team photo.  Once the Ribbon Trail was checked off the list we went back to the trailhead for some of these:

The interesting thing about trailheads and this one in particular is that people who are drinking beer are done riding.  We had just gotten a little thirsty which is something which happens in the desert.  So once we had all managed to get three beers in us we headed out because there were some more trails and they weren;t going to shred themselves.  But that is what FARCA is about.  I doubt anyone else at the trailhead actually was able to process what they had just seen because they all seemed pretty lit but the Gunny Loop was a killer prelude to another night at Nathy’s.  Nathy’s I should add is curious for a couple of reasons.  One is no one to my knowledge knows a mexican with a lisp but apparently Nathy’s founder had one.  I have been to Fruita four years now for this event and have a total of three meals at places other than Nathy’s.  It is pretty much the best Mexican food on the entire planet. 

So after doing this we went back and did more of that which included a new game we invented called “mathball”.  No one likes mathball but it is really the best pool game there is.

After another restful night we woke and repeated steps 1-7 and lit out for the Edge Loop, a climb to a soaring escarpment overlooking the entire Grand Valley.  With more jelly beans and whanot locked down in the packs the ride spilled forth and we mindlessly pedaled up into the cold wind and pockets of snow of the Colorado desert.  Billy managed at some point to fuck up his bike and realized after commenting, “damn i thought today i would have it, but i don’t” that he was rubbing something on metal and wash pushing about 50% harder than everyone else.  The problem worked itslef out and we made it the view of the week.  Now if this isn’t inspiring I don’t know what is.  The Edge Loop is kind of famous because of the sheer radditude of the ride and the fact that after everything in the world has been thrown at you you still get to this point where you get to do a little more.  So rapping off of the final couple of turns is not something we get to do everyday and Team FARCA was pumped with the extra element of suprise thrown at them.  That’s Billy O gettin all Eiger Sanction.  Despite all of the rad riding and pool playin beer drinkin and the like, this is something which was completely unexpected:  Manginas.

This is a mangina pictured at the left. You  know who you are and that is all I am sayin.

Anyway, the ride ended like it usually does with a massive cooler filled with the Colorado sports drinks and we did some more laughing and such before sending it into town with Mat Hall blasting Tool so loud it was shaking mine.  Then we had more mexican food and did what we were best at.

Day five broke like they had been doing and it was time to alter the schedule a bit to pack up the pool table and break down the tents.  But then we were back on pace and ate some more food and rode out at the end of the Kokopelli trail area with Dusty and some kook from the Trek team who was wearing a racer suit.  But we didn’t care if he was in his underwear because it was just pretty much awesome as always.  Sadly we put the bikes away and pointed the vehicles north to the land of ice and snow.  Ahhhhhhh.  that was a hell of a trip.